Things Were All Good (Yesterday)
by PenofaPhoenix
Summary: Through a series of letters to Remus, 16-year-old Teddy Lupin accounts Andromeda's slow deterioration into the clutches of Alzheimer's disease. / It's hard to watch someone you love slowly slip away, but when she's all you have left? It's unbearable. {My entry for the Harry Potter MHealth Fest on LiveJournal.}
1. Introduction

**This is my entry to HPMHealth (Harry Potter Mental Health) fest. The fest is over and the reveals are out, so I am now free to post my piece. I'll try to post a part every few days (actually though!) and I hope you'll enjoy and maybe leave a review. :) **

**Title:** Things Were All Good (Yesterday)

**Author:** PenofaPhoenix (Isabel)

Prompt #12

**Main character(s)/pairing:** Andromeda & Teddy, gen.

**Mental health issue:** Alzheimer's Disease

**Additional prompt:** Although he has his godfather and his friends, a 16-year-old Teddy doesn't know how he's going to be able to go on as he watches the woman who raised him slowly slip away.

**Rating:** T

**Spoilers: **slightly AU; Character death

**Summary:** Through a series of letters to Remus, 16-year-old Teddy Lupin accounts Andromeda's slow deterioration into the clutches of Alzheimer's disease. / It's hard to watch someone you love slowly slip away, but when she's all you have left? It's unbearable.

**Word Count:** 4376 words

**Author's Note:** The title of this piece is a reference to "Afire Love" by Ed Sheeran, which is a phenomenal song that happens to be about Alzheimer's. Go have a listen to the song and let me know what you think! Also, Alzheimer's disease is sometimes shortened to simply Alzheimer's or AD. Many thanks to my beta H for basically being an amazing human being, and to Prae for hosting this fest! It was definitely something a little more challenging to write (not fluff!) but wonderful overall.


	2. I June 26

I. June 26

Dear Dad,

I'm so glad we're out for the summer! OWLs were exhausting, and I'm so glad they're over and I can see everyone. Today we went to the Weasley's for lunch. I got to see Victoire, finally. I haven't seen her since Easter break – she goes to Beauxbatons because of Fleur. I know you'd love her, though we've been hiding it from James because he's such a gossip. Aunt Hermione is lovely as always; she and Fleur are the only ones who know about me and Victoire. She's told me stories of you and Mum, how you had to hide because you were a werewolf. But I think you were brave, Dad.

Anyway, we're teaching Albus and Hugo how to fly – Albus definitely has Uncle Harry's genes! He's almost better than James, and James' namesake was supposedly amazing at Quidditch too. Rose is just like Hermione, such a bookworm! And Lily is wonderfully adorable and innocent – naiveté suits her.

It was odd though. I went to go talk to Gran before lunch and she seemed confused. A symptom of old age, I suppose. I mean, she's already broaching her seventies. I asked Uncle Harry about it and he said Molly's been forgetful too. So I guess I shouldn't be worried.

Love always, Teddy


	3. II July 27

II. July 27

Dear Dad,

Today we went to the Puddlemere-Cannons game. Oliver Wood and Uncle Ron were playing against each other. I'll was cheering for Puddlemere, of course, but the Weasley clan gave me the stink eye the whole time. Uncle Harry supports Puddlemere more, but he pretends to like both equally of course, o therwise Uncle Ron would pitch a fit. It's always a rivalry, since both Uncle Ron and Uncle Oliver are Keepers.

It was a really good game, obviously. The Cannons did some player trading, and Uncle Ron's really been training hard (even though he's getting old). Don't tell him I said that! Anyway, Puddlemere was in the lead by a good eighty points or so, and we were all looking for the Snitch, because it disappeared at the end. But out of nowhere, the Cannons' Seeker did an insane Wronski Feint (Victor Krum, right? Aunt Hermione was laughing about it) and caught the Snitch. The Weasley's totally gloated, e specially Grandma Molly. Bill was the only one who was chill about it. I ended up having to pay up eight Galleons because George was hosting bets, as usual. Even him marrying Angelina hasn't made much of a difference, though Fred and Roxanne have pacified him.

Love always, Teddy


	4. III August 20

III. August 20

Dear Dad,

Today we went to Diagon Alley to go shopping for new school supplies! Grandma's finally let me get a new owl. She told me I needed to get my own and train it well, seeing as I'll probably end up working in a few years' time and will need a proper familiar and messenger. Finally! Of course, Aunt Hermione thinks both Gran and I have gone mad – she insists that Kneazles are better pets, but I've wanted an owl for so long nothing would change my mind.

I ended up getting a white snowy owl, like Harry's old owl, Hedwig. I named him Cadmus on account of me wanting to be a Healer and all. He's a beaut and I can't wait to bring him to Hogwarts! It's going to be a long time before I can see Victoire again, though, on account of her going to Beauxbatons and all. But she promised she'll write, and now they even allow the upperclassmen to do Floo calls!

We stopped by Fortescue's on the way back once we were done with shopping. Florean's good, though getting old, of course. Fabian's getting ready to take over once Florean can't work anymore. Though knowing him, he'll work till he's in a wheelchair, and even then, he'll probably still greet the customers and stuff. Harry loves seeing him; he told me how Florean used to supply him free ice cream when he was studying one year. Merlin that would've been so nice! On the way back home, Gran couldn't find her keys, even though they were right in her hand! She really is getting old…I ought to go now, Gran's calling me for dinner.

Love always, Teddy


	5. IV September 1

IV. September 1

Dear Dad,

We're on the train headed towards Hogwarts now. I'm sitting in a compartment with Fabian and a couple other Gryffindors, but I can't sleep. On Platform 9 ¾, Gran was acting really strange! She almost forgot Rose's name for a bit, when she was waving at the Weasleys. I know Harry was busy talking to Percy, and Aunt Ginny was watching over Rose and Hugo, but I think Aunt Hermione noticed. I'll probably write her once we arrive at Hogwarts…I'm really worried about Grandma.

It's James' first year. He acts with bravado, but he's actually really scared. Uncle Harry's asked me to make sure James doesn't do anything stupid like he did. Apparently, they faced a troll in the bathroom in their first year! Aunt Hermione said she was traumatised from the event. Not to mention they had to face Voldemort for the first time. But we don't have to worry about that.

The lady with the candy trolley on the Hogwarts Express just arrived. I'm still working on my Chocolate Frog collection, and they added a bunch of new people on there after the War, Dad. I have about four copies of your card. Harry wins though; I have seven of his. I'll probably give some to James and Albus and Lily once they grow older. They still don't care about that sort of stuff, yet – they're too busy eating the chocolate.

The conductor's calling for us to change, so I'll be going now!

Love always, Teddy


	6. V September 27

V. September 27

Dear Dad,

Today was our first day at Hogsmeade! I went to get some stuff for Albus and Lily, since I promised I'd send them a few packages. James was pestering to get him some stuff, so I did, but I gave him a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavoured Beans! Haha! The first one he got was a grass flavoured one – sucker!

I talked to Aunt Hermione and she said she'd keep an eye on Andromeda on account of her behaviour. She's been acting rashly and forgetfully, Aunt Hermione told me. I wish I could go see her, but we're only a month into term. The new Transfiguration professor is an ass, though; expects us to do this perfectly the first time. I wish Professor McGonagall still taught - I heard she was a beast in her day! The DADA teacher is fantastic though – she taught at some duelling school before she came to Hogwarts. She really knows her stuff. I think she might've been injured on an Auror mission or something, but she won't say. I'll ask Uncle Harry if he knows her.

It was Aunt Hermione's birthday recently, so I sent her a birthday card along with some new quills. She replied to me saying that Andromeda's been acting relatively normal, though she definitely has bouts of forgetfulness. Aunt Mione thinks it might be something more though, so she wants to get Gran checked out just in case. She's trying to convince Drom to go to St. Mungo's, though you know how stubborn Gran is. She thinks she's fine and she insists that there's nothing to worry about.

Love always, Teddy


	7. VI October 30

VI. October 30

Dear Dad,

Happy day before Halloween! Me and my mates have gotten stocked up on some pranks for Halloween, though granted, we're saving our best for April Fool's Day. You'd probably disapprove, now that you're a dad and all, but I heard you and the Marauders were quite the pranksters back in the day! Harry tells me it's true anyway, though Fred and George were just as good, if not better, on account of them inventing their own pranks and such. Sorry, dad.

Uncle George sent me a special box of pranks for the Transfiguration teacher, who, I might mention, gave Shane Finnegan in detention for accidentally lighting her robes on fire! But it was only for a second and then it went out, and no damage happened, but Shane got into so much trouble. He told me that when his dad came into the school after Professor Murray (that's the teacher's name) called, Uncle Seamus was laughing afterwards. Apparently he did something similar in charms his first year! Like father like son, right?

So, I guess that means you were good at DADA right? I mean, you were in the Order and everything. And I'm top of my class, so I'm doing something right, right? Unfortunately, the doctors at St. Mungo's aren't doing something right because they don't really know what's wrong with Gran – they think it might be the after- effects of the war manifesting themselves late or something like that, or that she's just getting old. Aunt Mione doesn't believe them. We'll probably go to a Muggle doctor soon, though Gran is stubborn and doesn't venture into the Muggle world too often as of late, so it might be uncomfortable for her.

Anyway, I'm off to finish getting my costume ready for the Gryffindor Halloween party! I can't wait for the feast!

Love always, Teddy


	8. VII December 15

VII. December 15

Dear Dad,

Sorry I haven't written in a while – you haven't missed much, though. James did end up getting in trouble – got in a duel with a Slytherin. Dumbass. We're heading home from Hogwarts for Christmas Holidays. James originally said he didn't want to go back home, but then Aunt Ginny threatened to not send his presents if he didn't come back, so of course, James came back. I think he'll probably get an ass-whopping since Aunt Gin heard about the duel. Uncle Harry had written to tell me that he placated Aunt Ginny – she was about to send a Howler like Gran Weasley did to Uncle Ron in his second year! That Weasley temper. Glad it's not in my blood!

Aunt Mione wrote me a while back saying that Gran's definitely getting worse. Luckily, we managed to convince Gran to go to a Muggle doctor (she's always been stubborn and what not), so we got an appointment for her on Tuesday. I'll let you know how it goes. I hope we'll be able to enjoy the holidays and that the doctors say there's nothing wrong.

Love always, Teddy


	9. VIII December 21

VIII. December 21

Dear Dad,

The doctors said it's Alzheimer's, Gran's disease. She currently has mild late-onset Alzheimer's, though the doctors suspect that it'll progress rather quickly, seeing as how she's deteriorated in only six months. We got some drugs for her to help with the memory loss and mood swings, though there's no cure. I wish there was a cure for it in the Muggle world, but not even the magical world has a cure – hell, we didn't even know it existed! It's frankly ridiculous. They all called it obliti-dementia, or forgetful-demetia. Lumped it in with all the others types of dementia. I swear, I'm going to find a cure for this damn disease. If the magical world can't do anything for Gran, I will. Even if it's posthumously, but I don't want to think about that. You know they don't even have a test for Alzheimer's? Like a definitive, quantitative diagnostic test for it. How ridiculous!

I've been going to a Muggle library to print out everything on Alzheimer's and duplicate some of the books. Perks of magic, right? (Aunt Mione's doing it for me, though she finds it a bit unethical… It's not like I'm selling it for profit or anything like that!) And I've started getting more Muggle and wizarding books on neuroscience so that I can better understand Alzheimer's. I'll let you know what I can find. Aunt Mione's encouraging my curiosity, though she still want me to spend the hols with the family. I don't have a family anymore, though, not a 'real' one – you and Mum are dead, and Gran might not even remember my name soon!

Obviously, I have Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny, but they have James and Albus and Lily. And Aunt Mione has Rose and Hugo with Uncle Ron. So where does that leave me? I can't bear the thought of not having Gran to come home to. I don't know what I would do. I told Aunt Hermione that I didn't want to tell everyone about Gran's disease yet, not until after the holidays are over. Gran's still coming to terms with it too; I don't think she fully understands it. I don't either. No one does, really, but I do know that it's going to shorten her lifespan and soon she won't be able to remember… I wish you were here to help me take care of her and help me understand.

Love always, Teddy


	10. IX January 3

IX. January 3

Dear Dad,

I'm on the Hogwarts Express headed back to Hogwarts after the Holidays are over. I'm sitting alone – James is with his friends and I just don't want to face the rest of my friends yet. Christmas was great, aside from Gran having Alzheimer's and everything. I got a broom care kit and a few books, of course, and Uncle Harry gave me the Marauder's map. I think he sensed something was wrong and wanted to cheer me up. It's funny, you'd think he'd give it to James first, though maybe he figured that I was responsible enough to have it before James did. Well, I'm not complaining – that means I can sneak out to Hogsmeade more often to get my orders from Scrivenshaft's. Uncle Harry really is insightful, unlike Uncle Ron, mind you. He's a daft as Hermione claims he is! I think he took a few too many Bludgers to the head.

I'm just lost as to what I'm going to do now… We still have classes and I can't leave school to take care of Grandma, obviously – she wouldn't even let me! Plus, that would mean explaining a lot of stuff to my professors and my classmates, and I don't think I'm ready for that. Not yet. We got Gran started on some Muggle meds for the memory loss and mood changes, so hopefully that'll help. In the meantime, I've dropped Divination (much to Aunt Hermione's approval), so I can just spend more time researching Alzheimer's. There's a few clinical trials that may be feasible, but obviously, they're completely Muggle run, and it would be preferable to have some Squibs, at least, working with Gran on the trial. I've asked Aunt Mione to look into the Squib registry to see if there are any in the medical industry who might be working on clinical trials.

Love always, Teddy


	11. X February 12

X. February 12

Dear Dad,

I'm going to see Victoire this weekend! She's coming down to Hogsmeade (apparently Beauxbatons gets a weekend off for La Jour du Saint Valentine) and we're going to Floo to Muggle London for the weekend so that we can go out for some proper tea. She always hated Madam Puddifoot's – called it tacky, which I wholeheartedly agree with. While we're there, I'll pay a stop by Gran's. She's been accepted into a clinical trial, which should hopefully help ease the symptoms of Alzheimer's, but we don't know if she has the active treatment or the placebo.

It's just a mess now. Gran's living on the border of Muggle and WIzarding London, and we hired a Squib caretaker to make sure that she goes to each of her appointments and to help her navigate Muggle London, as she's unfamiliar. Her life's changing as rapidly as mine is and it's a constant cycle of fear and unknown. Most of the time I think I'm holding my breath, hoping that she'll be okay while I'm at school. With the trial, I can let out a sigh of relief, but for how long? How long until I will again be panicking, fearing from Gran and myself?

I feel like I ought to let Victoire know; she's family too. But then again, Uncle Harry probably deserves to know first – Aunt Mione's done a great job of keeping it from him and Uncle Ron, but I know she doesn't like keeping secrets unnecessarily. I'll probably tell them soon. B ut at the same time, I know it'll just be pity and consolation, and I really don't want to have to deal with that. I can barely hold myself together right now, as is. That would only make it all the worse. I'll try and tell them when the time is right, but I don't want to ruin tonight's date with Victoire.

Love always, Teddy


	12. XI March 10

XI. March 10

Dear Dad,

Happy Birthday! Professor McGonagall let me go home today after Uncle Harry talked to her. We still celebrate it, even if you're not here. I think it's because we don't want to mourn and make us even sadder. Anyway, I told Uncle Harry (and Aunt Ginny) about Gran's Alzheimer's. As expected, Aunt Ginny and Uncle Ron (after Aunt Hermione told him) were all very pitying, but Uncle Harry was understanding and told them to back off, basically. I don't know what I'd do without him. Then again, I don't know how I survived without you or Mum either, much less how I'll survive without Gran.

It seems she's getting "better" – her memory hasn't worsened and she's even been able to regain some of her lost memories! I'd like to say that she was given the active drug and her progression has been slowed, but it might just be the placebo effect… Who knows? Her mood, on the other hand, has started to nosedive. It's not that she's always in a bad mood, simply that she is moodier than before and swings from happy to sad in a matter of minutes. According to Uncle Harry, she's acting similar to what Aunt Ginny was like when she was pregnant with James – not something I cared to hear!

I'm off to eat _your_ birthday cake now! It's vanilla cake with strawberries and chocolate and some other good stuff. I'll make sure to save a piece for you!

Love always, Teddy


	13. XII April 17

XII. April 17

Dear Dad,

Happy Birthday to me, I guess. We're spending my birthday and the Easter hols on vacation in Ois, Greece. I'm afraid I'm not much of a social butterfly, since I'm watching over Gran. She seems to be enjoying herself very much, but is still rather disoriented. I've brought along a few books to read about her Alzheimer's while I'm on vacation. Surprisingly, even Aunt Hermione told me to put the books down. _Traitor_.

Honestly, though, I'd just rather not think of "celebrating" my birthday because it means I'm a year older and a year closer to adulthood and responsibilities and jobs and uni, and I panic thinking about it. Like what am I supposed to do?! I know that it was expected that I would stay in the wizarding world, maybe pursue a career as a Healer, or in the Ministry. But now… I don't even know anymore. Would I be happy as a Healer in the wizarding world? _Could_ I even be happy knowing that there's a disease called Alzheimer's in the **Muggle** world that probably affects millions of wizards and is being misdiagnosed? I know there are people out there who are suffering as we are – and many of them probably haven't even been able to get a fraction of the care that Gran has. And I know I'm lucky, really, to have been able to get Gran diagnosed and in a clinical trial. But at the same time, I can't bear to think of the last member of my family dying tragically too. Is misfortune the only hand fate has dealt me? It's NOT FAIR. I hate it, I really do.

And I know Uncle Harry's been through a lot of that himself, and he's stronger for it, but he has his family now and he's happy. Obviously it looks better in retrospect, but I'm in the present. I can't imagine how I'll manage to survive until a future where I can look back and say that I survived and that it wasn't too bad.

Love always, Teddy


	14. XIII July 29

XIII. July 29

Dear Dad,

It's been a year since we last went to the Puddlemere-Cannons game. This time last year, Gran was fine, but now her Alzheimer's is acting up. I didn't pay much attention to it in the beginning, but she lost her attention by halftime, and you know how much she loves Quidditch. And then she decided to throw her hat over the stands (we were seated in the box, as usual.) It didn't hurt anyone, luckily, but I'm worried that her Alzheimer's is progressing more rapidly than the doctors predicted. Erratic behaviour is one of the later symptoms of AD, bordering on mid-stage to late-stage AD, which means she might not even be able to go out soon… I want to take her to the Muggle doctors to see whether we can get a higher dosage of her meds. The clinical trials seems to be having some bumps in their methodology – Grandma's appointment has been pushed off for a few weeks already. In any case, I'll try to see what more the general medications will be able to do.

Other than that, the game was phenomenal. The game was pretty close the whole way, but in the end, it was Puddlemere who won. The Weasley's were pretty beat the rest of the day, but you can't win every battle, right? Wood offered to take me out with the Puddlemere team to celebrate the victory, since he knows how much I love the team, despite the rest of the family (and extended family) supporting the Cannons. I declined though – I had to watch Gran since I knew no one else would really be in the mood to. Last year, the Weasley's were on top of the world and now, it seems as if the world is against them. That's kind of what it feels like for me sometimes. At least I know I'll be celebrating tonight – especially with the new money I won from the bet!

Love always, Teddy


	15. XIV August 19

XIV. August 19

Dear Dad,

I've talked to Professor McGonagall about taking some time off during the school year to take care of Grandma. I'm going to be coming home every weekend (by Floo) and do my lessons from there. Now Victoire and a couple of my mates know, but there's really not much they can do to make me feel better. I wish there was.

Love always, Teddy


	16. XV November 2

XV. November 2

Dear Dad,

I'm a mess, inside and out. I have to put up a brave front for Gran, but it gets harder each and every day when I can see her deteriorating so. And it's not going to get any better – because what we thought was helping her Alzheimer's was only the side effect of what turned out to be a neurodegenerative drug. So yes, we got the active treatment, but when the beta-amyloid plaques were deteriorated, they ended up clumping together and started forming pseudo-blood clots. They stopped the trial last week, after too many people started getting strokes, resulting in the paralysis or death of many patients. I'm glad that Gran's survived this long, but I can't help but feel that it might have been for the worse – and it was my fault because I insisted upon putting her on a clinical trial! She didn't want to, but Aunt Hermione and I pressured her into doing so, and now look where it's gotten her?! I wanted more time with the Gran I knew, but instead, I might not even have any time left with her. I don't know. I wish you were here.

Love always, Teddy


	17. XVI December 21

XVI. December 21

Dear Dad,

She's gone…

And it's all my fault.

I was supposed to be home this weekend, but I decided to stay in Hogsmeade to get Christmas gifts for everyone. And now I won't be able to give Gran her gift. Ever.

It was a stroke, according to the doctors. At least it wasn't aspiration pneumonia, right? That's more prolonged…. It was most likely from the clinical trial – it's all my fault. I remember letting you know about the strokes that were happening because of the new drug, and it just so happened that Gran got the active treatment.

Its.

All.

My.

Fault.

I don't know how to move forward from there – I still have exams and interviews and graduation to go through and more… I suppose we'll see what happens from here, then. Forgive any inadvertent crying.

Love always, Teddy


	18. XVII June 6

XVII. June 6

Dear Dad,

It's been a while. I've been trying to cope, trying to mourn, but my body kind of shut down on me. I couldn't do anything – not Quidditch, nor schoolwork, or anything of the sort. I was a shitty boyfriend to Victoire for sure. I'm sorry I haven't kept you in the loop, but then again, there hasn't been much to speak of.

I got into the University of London. It's a Muggle school. I think I'm going to go there, even though some of my professors urged me to stay in the wizarding world. Professor Whiting encouraged it, though; she noticed how good I was with Potions, and she thinks it could be useful when creating Muggle drugs. She said she might be able to help me arrange a joint programme with the St. Mungo's internship. That way I might finally be able to combine my passions and I wouldn't have to leave either world. I think it would've made Gran proud. I hope you are together now – I know you both will always watch over me. I hope you'll get a few good laughs, too – let Mum know that those silly faces turned up towards the sky are for her. I love you all.

Love always, Teddy


	19. Final Remarks

That's all folks! Thank you for coming along with Teddy on his journey. I hope you enjoyed the piece. Please do leave a review; it's very much appreciated! I'll also be posting my entry for the Dramione LoveFest sometime soon, so please keep an eye out for that. ^^

Love from, PenofaPhoenix

Side note: That awkward moment when you realise that Harry, who is 17-18 years Teddy's senior, is technically the same generation as Teddy – both Remus and James were the same age! But they had kids at very different times obviously. And Tonks is obviously younger than Lily, which explains a bit. But since Tonks was around Bill and Charlie's year, that makes her the same generation as the Weasley brothers, which is kind of the same generation as Harry. That means that Remus/Tonks is essentially a cross-gen relationship… I feel like we forget about the ages of characters when we're reading about them!


End file.
